across 3000 miles and 36 years
He tracked me down across 3000 miles and 36 years.
I was a 'very important' first crush from 4th grade Mrs. Eich's class, he repeatedly told me throughout our conversations.
I was flattered.
The first phone call was magical ~ he had heard 'Riahnna' on the radio and it reminded him of me and how beautiful I was, how lovely he remembered me to be and in our 6 hour conversation he was 'falling in love with me' as i was ,'as beautiful on the inside as he thought my outside'
We connected artistically, had parallel work experiences and he had easy access to his Brown University vocabulary.
each dailyish conversation lasted a minumum of 3 hours and he told me how he was really falling in love with me ~ and I felt it too. He was enchanting and sounded so solid and self aware.
We connected on every level. he owned his responsibility in the divorce that was a 'natural progression without betrayal'.
He got the new language of effective communication. He got my humor, he appreciated my poetic nature and had a strong sexual attraction through the power of word.
It felt safe to open up and reveal my achilles heal about work and the sexual politics that i felt stunted by. It seemed as if he really understood my whoas.
Then, slowly facts were rereleased and context changed.
Red flags unfurled, lies revealed with excuses and verbose explanations.
He was not yet divorced, he was 6 months separated, he was not sure if he was monogamous, he wished he could fuck me when i was 24, and then the topper...
After 3 times trying to call me, I am home and available to talk. Why was he trying so hard to talk to me sometimes he would go days in between phone calls and return messages.
So he starts with 'I'm not sure if I can, but I may be able to hire you as our set still photographer'
Yay! i thought ~ a job, I am saved and a dream job at that ~
and then he finished his thought with, 'but I'm torn because i don't want to hurt you when I have to fuck the 24 year old PA on the set in front of you...'
that was a deep wound you inflicted upon me last night.
probably our last night.
I was a 'very important' first crush from 4th grade Mrs. Eich's class, he repeatedly told me throughout our conversations.
I was flattered.
The first phone call was magical ~ he had heard 'Riahnna' on the radio and it reminded him of me and how beautiful I was, how lovely he remembered me to be and in our 6 hour conversation he was 'falling in love with me' as i was ,'as beautiful on the inside as he thought my outside'
We connected artistically, had parallel work experiences and he had easy access to his Brown University vocabulary.
each dailyish conversation lasted a minumum of 3 hours and he told me how he was really falling in love with me ~ and I felt it too. He was enchanting and sounded so solid and self aware.
We connected on every level. he owned his responsibility in the divorce that was a 'natural progression without betrayal'.
He got the new language of effective communication. He got my humor, he appreciated my poetic nature and had a strong sexual attraction through the power of word.
It felt safe to open up and reveal my achilles heal about work and the sexual politics that i felt stunted by. It seemed as if he really understood my whoas.
Then, slowly facts were rereleased and context changed.
Red flags unfurled, lies revealed with excuses and verbose explanations.
He was not yet divorced, he was 6 months separated, he was not sure if he was monogamous, he wished he could fuck me when i was 24, and then the topper...
After 3 times trying to call me, I am home and available to talk. Why was he trying so hard to talk to me sometimes he would go days in between phone calls and return messages.
So he starts with 'I'm not sure if I can, but I may be able to hire you as our set still photographer'
Yay! i thought ~ a job, I am saved and a dream job at that ~
and then he finished his thought with, 'but I'm torn because i don't want to hurt you when I have to fuck the 24 year old PA on the set in front of you...'
that was a deep wound you inflicted upon me last night.
probably our last night.
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