upon the reunion

I had a reunion through Facebook that went back 30 years or so ~  the last time I saw these Pinecrest kids was 6,7,8th grade maybe ~  the girls pretty much looked the same, but the boys had morphed from little teen boys into men ~ the beauty of it was that I could look in the eyes of these 45 year old strangers and see the exact child I knew so well as if no time had passed at all  ~  they felt like family ~

 So when I caught them up with a reader's digest version of my career adventures ~ some went onto check out my IMDB page ~
 The thing that was brought to my attention was that I was only credited with 3 parts. And all of these parts were in films that have titles that sound like porn!!!
  How frustrating !
I have worked my ass off in this business ~ I have avoided sleeping with old men for good roles because i thought i would find a more dignified way in.
But alas and alack ~ the only things i could get on my own terms were small featured extra roles ~
(and I was even threatened sexually on the search for that too!)
I have been in the 'chorus' now, forever!

But the truth is ~ I have been acting the whole time !  I have ducked bullets, sprinted in wedding gowns, been a blue m&m girl, hung out in the Central Perk Cafe,  and danced as a Pirate~ to name a few.
I have spent 3 days standing next to Shirley McClaine , had my wardrobe stolen by Meryl Streep and body doubled for Sally Field while holding a faux Oscar ~ but no one will ever know~

I have danced on such stages as The Hollywood Bowl and The Greek Theatre ~
sang at The Hard Rock Cafe with my band, and was booked at The Troubador,
but no one will ever know

I have listened to huge directors cry in my ear about their lives, calling me for advice and perspective,
I have inspired other directors to learn how to treat their actors in a harmonious way and they got better results on their film ~
I have had many a great idea ripped off, used and made fun of on TV ~
But no one will ever know ~

I used to think I did not need reciprocation ~
I did the art to follow my heart and find my life's purpose`
to share the love I had for life and people ~
to help heal through this profession that was both powerfully effective and something I just loved!
I  did not need to bend to society's limited views on humanity vs, money ~ I used to think that money was a problem maker ~
but now that I have no money, or security and not even a decent credit for a decade of hard work and positive thinking ~
 I guess I just need to write it out ~ keep track of my tiny accomplishments on my own ~ so that I can see clearly what value exploration and learning has on my intelligence , awareness and process of trying to become a better person ~

I am simply a Butterfly on the Wall

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bonnie Raitt / Esalen

'Come to meeeee ~~~~ ', The red headed spitfire sang, in her shiny electric blue, tiger striped top and big ol guild acoustic guitar, at the Greek Theatre. Her tones and harmony strumming my soul and bringing me back to our first encounter up in Esalen, at the SEVA foundation concert to save the tribes. I remember The ride up in the convertible mustang was beautiful! We passed cliffs and green hillsides of trees and flowers.  Upon arrival we were met by the scents of mineral bath and ocean mixed with marijuana smoke and music.  We 4 girls had staked out a portion of the lawn in front of the stage for the big musical festival. We each took turns floating about exploring our weekend home and hanging out at the blanket. It was upon one of my expeditions around the grounds that lead me to his deep green eyed stare. He was the first man I had ever met that was completely aware of his effect on his surroundings and took accountability for it ~ I couldn...
Read more

Magic Red Carpet kinda night.

 I had my brand new shiny press pass, my camera geer in a rolly suitcase, and nice enough dress to look apropos to the occasion. I was on my first Press Assignment and it was a doozy! I made sure I would get there early, beat the traffic and explore the environment, get comfortable and maybe make a few new friends. So I drove to downtown LA on that Sunday, ready to go!  I had to park at the next block over and walk in the 100 degree sunshine. Nellie, my reporter that day said to me, 'it is always hot on this event day', and boy was she right ~ it felt like an oven as i I turned the corner at the Nokia center and behold... I came upon the huge sets and lights and fan-stands that reminded me, I was shooting my first Press event at the Emmys! i proceeded past the ropes and onto the huge deep primary red carpet. Media booths were set up like tradeshow booths with great props and lighting. The cameras on cranes avoided...
Read more

across 3000 miles and 36 years

He tracked me down across 3000 miles and 36 years. I was a 'very important' first crush from 4th grade Mrs. Eich's class, he repeatedly told me throughout our conversations. I was flattered. The first phone call was magical ~ he had heard 'Riahnna' on the radio and it reminded him of me and how beautiful I was, how lovely he remembered me to be and in our 6 hour conversation he was 'falling in love with me' as i was ,'as beautiful on the inside as he thought my outside' We connected artistically, had parallel work experiences and he had easy access to his Brown University vocabulary. each dailyish conversation lasted a minumum of 3 hours and he told me how he was really falling in love with me ~ and I felt it too. He was enchanting and sounded so solid and self aware. We connected on every level. he owned his responsibility in the divorce that was a 'natural progression without betrayal'. He got the new language of effective communic...
Read more