i wanted to know

" So tell me about yourself. Why are you different from the other girls I am           meeting for this job?"

I was kinda stumped.
I didn't know what to say ~
I had come from a place where including others was important.
Family, team sports, choreographed group routines, boyfriends...
~  I had never thought of my own individual self before.

I described myUSC Theatre education and goals, I told him of my professional dance training, and I shared my ideas of educating through media projects,but he was clearly unimpressed, as he said,
"but what makes you stand out from  all the others?"
Geez! What did he want me to say? What was he looking for!?
(Later I realized what that question really means , but I was so naive.)

As i drove away in frustration and fury I thought about that question and how i really didnt have a complete answer for it.
What is it that makes me different from the herd?
 I really didn't know.

So I decided to go on a road trip.
To somewhere unknown and unplanned.
I wanted to know what i was by nature.
What I was on my own, alone.
What i was without any influence of any man.
Without the judgements of my father or brothers or old boyfriends or lovers or teachers or employers.
When they asked me that question again... I wanted to know the answer.
 I see so many women define themselves by who they are with
and what he does ~
I wanted to do the doing ~ I wanted to know what my freest self could become without the pressure of another's expectations of me and what i needed to do for them in order for them to be happy.
Why is that my responsibility?
Why should it be their's to make me a happy person?
I can drive my own body and mind, you drive yours and hopefully we can harmonize on the road together taking in the sites ~ or
I will walk alone in my own happiness.

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