Butterfly On The Wall

intimate conversations with myself I wake up from another rough night, to my red eye again ~ so scary looking eeek~ what has happened to me? Make up used to be optional.  I used to wake up, brush my teeth and be on my way ~ but now the stress is showing all over me and its getting harder to get into a better mood. Why am i not married with my own family or in a career i can count on? they say hard work brings rewards, but that is clearly proved untrue by me. I have been called 'the hardest working most unrewarded actress in all of hollywood' not an honor i honor. actually the weight of that is unbearable ~ The society that i loved so dearly, wanting everyone to have their fair share ~ has bitten me in the ass. no one gives a shit what happens to me. my family cares but they play financial victim in their mercedes benzs and italian shoes, they couldn't possibly understand my situation. How could they ~ i dont quite get it myself. In my attempts to Not sell my...

" So tell me about yourself. Why are you different from the other girls I am           meeting for this job?" I was kinda stumped. I didn't know what to say ~ I had come from a place where including others was important. Family, team sports, choreographed group routines, boyfriends... ~  I had never thought of my own individual self before. I described myUSC Theatre education and goals, I told him of my professional dance training, and I shared my ideas of educating through media projects,but he was clearly unimpressed, as he said, "but what makes you stand out from  all the others?" Geez! What did he want me to say? What was he looking for!? (Later I realized what that question really means , but I was so naive.) As i drove away in frustration and fury I thought about that question and how i really didnt have a complete answer for it. What is it that makes me different from the herd?  I really didn't know. So ...

So the year of the superheroes started out in July 2011 ~ I was called to do a photo shoot down in san diego for the premiere party for the film  "Captain America"   ~  The Armed forces of America were going to attend a ceremony to honor Stan Lee, it's creator, with a replica of the shield from 1940 ~  Chris Evans the actor was to help present the award.... well ~ what a mess was made of that! During the rehearsal ~ our 'leader' was flustered and inexperienced in organizing humans on stage ~ so every little step was like touching a person with a bad sunburn ~ reaction reaction reaction ~ The next day, a couple of hours before 300 Uniformed Armed Forces were due to arrive,  a couple of fully garbed, soldiers wanted to be included in the band.  Our 'leader' refused to allow such 'changes' in the program and with an angry tone, humiliated him. As the morning grew, it became hotter inside of the venue and by the time the men were to arrive, t...

I meditated before I went inside the party in the Malibu beach summer home of an old friend. A new technique I had picked up and began to practice several months earlier. I had ended a longterm relationship a few months earlier and was just getting back out there after a love hiatis. My Hostess had called me to the gathering to set me up with someone she thought I would like. As i entered the room , the loud music and packed room ,

when you are in the dark, all you can see is the light. it appears in the distance and grows larger and larger until it encompasses you as you draw closer to it when you are in the light, all you see is the dark. its expounding width and depth and vastness looks like a haven where you flee to be free to do as you wish without judgment floating in and out of the curvy center gives the best of both worlds (discovered through the kenny chesney event)

I was introduced to a lovely woman by an old dance company friend of mine ~ Tina said, 'this is my neighbor, she is a dancer too"  She responded with  ~"well I haven't been to class in ages" I hear this response often~ listen up girls ~ once you are a dancer you are always a dancer ~ no matter what. for it is how your body naturally responds to music. It is the music's effect on us that truly makes the dancer 'tis not how many bat mas or grand j'etes you do in a closed crowded room ~ it is taking that spirit of the movement to the music out into the world with you spreading the love and the music that comes through you. dancer is in the heart

So tonight i click around and found a film that I did a small role in a million years ago ~ Although i didn't get a scene with him, James Earl Jones was in the film lending credibility.  The 2 male stars were interesting guys and I actually wound up in a precarious position with one and at the edge of a love with the other.  story to be detailed when i am in a prolific mood ~ as for now i am still sleepy from the Comic Con 2011 adventure where i photographed Captain America, Chris Evans, the military, and the Godfather of all colorful characters throughout history, the infamous, Stan Lee. for now i chill and watch King's of Leon on saturday night live with my feet up.