Butterfly On The Wall

'Come to meeeee ~~~~ ', The red headed spitfire sang, in her shiny electric blue, tiger striped top and big ol guild acoustic guitar, at the Greek Theatre. Her tones and harmony strumming my soul and bringing me back to our first encounter up in Esalen, at the SEVA foundation concert to save the tribes. I remember The ride up in the convertible mustang was beautiful! We passed cliffs and green hillsides of trees and flowers.  Upon arrival we were met by the scents of mineral bath and ocean mixed with marijuana smoke and music.  We 4 girls had staked out a portion of the lawn in front of the stage for the big musical festival. We each took turns floating about exploring our weekend home and hanging out at the blanket. It was upon one of my expeditions around the grounds that lead me to his deep green eyed stare. He was the first man I had ever met that was completely aware of his effect on his surroundings and took accountability for it ~ I couldn...

 I had my brand new shiny press pass, my camera geer in a rolly suitcase, and nice enough dress to look apropos to the occasion. I was on my first Press Assignment and it was a doozy! I made sure I would get there early, beat the traffic and explore the environment, get comfortable and maybe make a few new friends. So I drove to downtown LA on that Sunday, ready to go!  I had to park at the next block over and walk in the 100 degree sunshine. Nellie, my reporter that day said to me, 'it is always hot on this event day', and boy was she right ~ it felt like an oven as i I turned the corner at the Nokia center and behold... I came upon the huge sets and lights and fan-stands that reminded me, I was shooting my first Press event at the Emmys! i proceeded past the ropes and onto the huge deep primary red carpet. Media booths were set up like tradeshow booths with great props and lighting. The cameras on cranes avoided...

He tracked me down across 3000 miles and 36 years. I was a 'very important' first crush from 4th grade Mrs. Eich's class, he repeatedly told me throughout our conversations. I was flattered. The first phone call was magical ~ he had heard 'Riahnna' on the radio and it reminded him of me and how beautiful I was, how lovely he remembered me to be and in our 6 hour conversation he was 'falling in love with me' as i was ,'as beautiful on the inside as he thought my outside' We connected artistically, had parallel work experiences and he had easy access to his Brown University vocabulary. each dailyish conversation lasted a minumum of 3 hours and he told me how he was really falling in love with me ~ and I felt it too. He was enchanting and sounded so solid and self aware. We connected on every level. he owned his responsibility in the divorce that was a 'natural progression without betrayal'. He got the new language of effective communic...

intimate conversations with myself I wake up from another rough night, to my red eye again ~ so scary looking eeek~ what has happened to me? Make up used to be optional.  I used to wake up, brush my teeth and be on my way ~ but now the stress is showing all over me and its getting harder to get into a better mood. Why am i not married with my own family or in a career i can count on? they say hard work brings rewards, but that is clearly proved untrue by me. I have been called 'the hardest working most unrewarded actress in all of hollywood' not an honor i honor. actually the weight of that is unbearable ~ The society that i loved so dearly, wanting everyone to have their fair share ~ has bitten me in the ass. no one gives a shit what happens to me. my family cares but they play financial victim in their mercedes benzs and italian shoes, they couldn't possibly understand my situation. How could they ~ i dont quite get it myself. In my attempts to Not sell my...

" So tell me about yourself. Why are you different from the other girls I am           meeting for this job?" I was kinda stumped. I didn't know what to say ~ I had come from a place where including others was important. Family, team sports, choreographed group routines, boyfriends... ~  I had never thought of my own individual self before. I described myUSC Theatre education and goals, I told him of my professional dance training, and I shared my ideas of educating through media projects,but he was clearly unimpressed, as he said, "but what makes you stand out from  all the others?" Geez! What did he want me to say? What was he looking for!? (Later I realized what that question really means , but I was so naive.) As i drove away in frustration and fury I thought about that question and how i really didnt have a complete answer for it. What is it that makes me different from the herd?  I really didn't know. So ...

So the year of the superheroes started out in July 2011 ~ I was called to do a photo shoot down in san diego for the premiere party for the film  "Captain America"   ~  The Armed forces of America were going to attend a ceremony to honor Stan Lee, it's creator, with a replica of the shield from 1940 ~  Chris Evans the actor was to help present the award.... well ~ what a mess was made of that! During the rehearsal ~ our 'leader' was flustered and inexperienced in organizing humans on stage ~ so every little step was like touching a person with a bad sunburn ~ reaction reaction reaction ~ The next day, a couple of hours before 300 Uniformed Armed Forces were due to arrive,  a couple of fully garbed, soldiers wanted to be included in the band.  Our 'leader' refused to allow such 'changes' in the program and with an angry tone, humiliated him. As the morning grew, it became hotter inside of the venue and by the time the men were to arrive, t...